Fresh Start

DisclaimerWhile there are blog postings out there  that have humorous stories to tell about law school, this is not one of them.  This is my attempt at being brutally honest about my law school experience.

I’ve been in a blogging funk for awhile, and I think a fresh, new place here at WordPress is a good starting point for working my way out of that funk.

It seems that some of my fellow law student bloggers have the ability to see the comedy in law school and I envy them.   However, the posts on sarcasm and making fun of your fellow law students don’t encompass all that law school is.

So here I am, being honest.

Last semester was hell.  It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever, EVER done.  I worked my ass off and well, in the end my grades were worse than the first semester.  When I received my grades I broke down.  I was so angry and frustrated.  How could all that studying and preparation actually not pay off for me?  It also hurt to know that my study group’s grades improved while mine did not.

At the expense of hard work and trying to keep my scholarship I became a stranger to myself.  I am now at the point where I no longer enjoy anything, am motivated to do anything, and have been hard on myself one too many times.  So I’ve started counseling because depression exists among law students.* And please know that I’m eager to become the woman I once was again.

That’s all I want to say right now.  I just wanted readers and law students alike out there to know that at least one law student blogger is admitting that she is now attending counseling for depression due to the pressure and unpleasantness of law school, because it’s important to be honest in a world where reality is easy to escape from.  Now that I’ve admitted it I can move on to other, hopefully happier, blogging subjects. 🙂

*

1. Stemming the Tide of Law School Depression
2. 10 Ways to Avoid Depression in Law School
3. Statistics on law students and depression
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18 Responses

  1. I am so glad you posted this…a lot of the time I can’t relate to the “I love law school, OMG – YAY!!” posts. When I’m really in that place I just don’t really blog about law school at all…because I’m about 50/50 on whether law school was the right choice for me. I’m generally an optimist about it, but the pressure can be overwhelming.
    Honesty is so important, and I appreciate yours!
    {I love your new blog look, by the way! Lovely!}

  2. Thanks!

  3. Sending best wishes your way. I got counseling for depression in a previous job (sort of for similar circumstances – I was living apart from my husband [I think you’re apart from your significant other, IIRC?], in a new city, working as hard as I knew how at a new endeavor and not succeeding), and it was really helpful. I think it is great for people to be open about it, rather than perpetuating any idea that there should be a stigma. (And I hope this doesn’t come across badly, but you did sound unhappy last semester – more than just the ordinary misery of classes etc – so I’m glad you’re doing something about it.)

  4. I’m sorry to hear about the grades, as well as the frustration and depression you’re feeling. Good luck with your counseling. Hang in there.

  5. (my comment above about working hard and not succeeding is not meant to suggest that you’re in any way failing! I should have said, not succeeding at the level I hoped to. sorry!)

  6. New Kid: I understood what you meant. No worries!

    By the way, my grades aren’t bad, just not where I want them to be.

  7. Amen sister!!! I absolutely feel your pain, although I definitely make fun of and point out all of the ridiculous things in law school, it was by far the hardest 3 years of my life. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, the world needs more honest assessments of law school. Just know that you are absolutely not alone and law school really does eventually end (even if it seems like it never will!)

  8. hi kel. maybe what happened this semester just means that you are one step closer to finding “what works for you” in terms of law school studying? but, more important than that, i hope you have a good experience with counseling. i totally agree with what you said about it being difficult to stay in touch with your real self while going through law school. so true!

  9. Umm, read my archives much? Depression and frustration were the hallmarks of my blog for over two years. Therapy? check. Resisted meds because … well, I have my reasons (have prior experience with the meds) BUT they help if the depression is really bad and sustained.

    You’re not alone is all.

  10. When I was in grad school, I’d say well over 50% of the grad students had a therapist. It’s a good idea. When you put so much into your work, it’s easy to lose perspective.

    Every “happy” blawger probably has moments of doom and gloom. Some people just avoid posting about it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t go through the same things.

    But I like your idea of a fresh start! I’m excited to read about your 2L adventures 🙂

  11. I know what you are going through – I honestly thought I might die from the stress last semester. Three semesters in, I am still questioning why I am doing this to myself. My mantra: If the schmucks on TV can do this, I can too.

  12. Aw Kel! That’s great for you. I have done continous reassesing of my environment since starting law school. I think you’ve inspired me to move to wordpress too! Plus, I’m jealous of everyone else on wordpress.

  13. You are definitely not alone. In fact, I would hazard a guess that you are in the majority. I think most law students experience some level of depression during school, although many of us never report it.

    Sometimes its grades, sometimes its stress, sometimes its family stuff, and sometimes it is just, as it was for me, the OH MY GOSH I am not who I thought I was and what do I do with this new person who doesn’t really fit into my life….

    I commend you seeking therapy – and being open about the struggle.

  14. Starting law school in August. Now I’m scared. But thanks for the honesty!!!

  15. It’s encouraging that you were honest. I suffered from depression in the past and managed to deal with it by managing my behavior/thoughts. After reading Turow’s “One L” I wondered what law school would do to me. Nice knowing I won’t be alone if it comes to that point. All the best and good for you to be able to ask for help. 🙂 I’ve been chronicling the 0L/PreL adventures, but I hope I can be open/honest about the law school experience once it gets going. If Turow could turn it into a book, why can’t we, right? Right.

  16. […] this formula to leave readers with an idea of what to expect from the blog. Commitments are made or renewed, proverbial hands are shaken, and readers are invited to check back soon. It’s safe, […]

  17. I applaud your honesty. I really wish there were more talk about the realities of law school depression and anxiety. I suffered some of that myself during law school, but mostly in the form of anxiety about being “not good enough.” It was awful. Please know that these feelings are temporary, and faded after I started meditation practice, and after I graduated, I felt even less stress.

    You will start feeling better once you accept that you are awesome, and that has nothing to do with grades!

  18. […] flew threw college with straight As will likely be facing a lineup of solid Bs. Others will receive grades that just don’t seem fair in relation to the amount of effort poured into a given cours…. A lucky few will scratch their heads at the high A in a class they had written off as their worst. […]

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